How to Repair Your Relationship After You Have Cheated
Tell Your Partner
If you don't disclose to your partner that you cheated, it might come back to bite you at the worst time and cause much more damage to your relationship than if you were upfront about it. If you decide to be honest, knowing how much to tell them is crucial. If your spouse decides to continue the relationship, it's important that they know all the details about your affair. However, you should also know when to stop the story; try not to include all the gory details because that's usually the breaking point for most people.
Take Responsibility
Don't blame your spouse for your decision to cheat. Don't say that "If you hadn't done/said this, then I wouldn't have cheated." Own up to what you did because you made the choice to cheat rather than work on your issues.
Sincerely Apologize
If you blew it, be sincere in your apology. You can't repair the relationship if you're not truly remorseful about your actions.
Stay Quiet
The most important thing to do is be quiet after you tell them the truth. At this point, your partner will be completely overcome with emotion and might scream or curse. They will be hurt and vocal about it – and you will have to take it.
Forgive Yourself
Cheating is not condoned in any way, but everyone makes mistakes at some point in their life. However, forgiving yourself doesn't mean making the other person feel bad for you while you go through this painful period. Don't turn yourself into the victim.
Figure Out Why You Did It
You might have to dig deep to find the answer. It could even be something that happened in your childhood rather than in your relationship. If you have a troubled mindset or have seen instances of cheating in other relationships, you might be inclined to think that it's normal.
Assess Your Relationship
Some people decide to stick together because they have kids while others stick together because they want to maintain the pretense that they're in a happy relationship. If you're both going to move forward, you need to be serious about it. It takes a lot to get over infidelity, so both people need to be fully committed to the process.
Set Boundaries and Limits
Cut the person you cheated with out of your life. If it was a coworker, set boundaries with them so your partner feels more secure about you spending time with the person that you cheated with. Sometimes, it's better to just quit and find a new job. This may not be possible if you're in a high-level position or are the major source of income. Regardless, your spouse must be the one to set those rules and limitations between you and the person.
Do Regular Checkups
Routinely ask your partner how they're doing and feeling. Be prepared for cell phone checks, phone calls when you're not with your spouse, and telling them what your passwords are. Remember: you're no longer in the same kind of relationship that you were before you cheated. The spouse will want to track what you're doing so they can see what steps you're taking in order to be a better person and feel more secure. If the situation calls for it, you may need to get help and an accountability person who can keep you on the straight path, whether it's a therapist, counsellor, minister, etc.
Give It Time
Once something like trust has been cracked, it will never be the same. It will take time and effort to rebuild this foundational pillar. Your partner won't be the same person as they were before you cheated; they'll now have issues and pain that they didn't have before. When you break a person, you break them. Accept that this is just part of the healing process.
