We're back with Part 2 of our series on toxic relationships.
In Part 1, we covered 12 warning signs that your relationship might be unhealthy. But there's more to discuss. Because toxic relationships have many faces, and sometimes the signs are subtle.
Our goal is simple: Help you identify when something isn't healthy for you.
A lot of people waste years trying to fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed. They stay in toxic situations hoping things will change. But sometimes, the healthiest thing you can do is recognize the signs and move on.
Important note: With any of these signs, look for patterns. One sign in isolation might just mean you're going through a tough season. But multiple signs together? That's a red flag you can't ignore.
Let's get into Part 2.
Sign #1: You Feel Constantly Drained
Being around them sucks the life and energy out of you.
Now, let's be balanced here. If you're in a relationship for any length of time, there will be seasons where you feel drained. That's normal. Life gets hard. Circumstances get heavy.
But here's the question: Are you always drained?
Is this person constantly taking from you without giving back? Do you feel exhausted just being in their presence? Do you need to recover after spending time with them?
If the answer is yes, that's not a tough season. That's a toxic pattern.
Sign #2: They're Always Offering Unsolicited "Constructive Criticism"
They always have something to tell you about what you need to fix.
What you did wrong. What you should have done. How you could be better. How you messed up.
They call it "constructive criticism." But you didn't ask for it. And it's constant.
Let's be balanced: In any relationship, there will be some back-and-forth about how things should be done. That's normal. Couples have different approaches and sometimes need to work things out.
But it can't be all the time. It can't be one-sided. If you're constantly being told what's wrong with you while they never receive feedback themselves, that's not constructive. That's controlling.
Sign #3: You Don't Feel Like Yourself Around Them
This is foundational. You should be able to be yourself with your partner.
But around them, you feel:
- Trapped
- Like a hostage
- Insecure
- Unbalanced
- Afraid to speak up
- Unable to articulate what you're feeling
You don't act like yourself. You edit yourself. You shrink yourself. You become a smaller version of who you actually are.
That's a trigger that you're in an unhealthy place. A healthy relationship allows you to be fully yourself. A toxic one forces you to hide.
Sign #4: They Don't Bring Out the Best in You
Every king should find a woman who brings out the king in him. Every queen should find a man who brings out the queen in her.
Your partner should be lifting you up. Speaking positively into your life. Seeing potential in you and calling it out. Building you up, not tearing you down.
Here's a powerful principle: A good woman speaks to the king in a man, not the fool. A good man speaks to the queen in a woman, not the girl.
We have the power to bring out the worst in someone or the best in someone based on how we speak to them.
You can't bring the best out of anybody by always being negative.
If your partner only criticizes, only complains, only points out flaws, they're not bringing out your best. They're suppressing it.
And here's the truth about relationships: It's not necessarily how a person looks that matters. It's how they make you feel.
You could be with someone beautiful or handsome who makes you feel like garbage. And there are people who wonder, "How did they end up together?" because they don't see what's happening inside the relationship.
Focus on how you make your partner feel. That's what brings out the best.
Sign #5: You Don't Have a Positive Feeling About the Future
You look ahead and see a dead end.
You don't see a future with this person. You don't have hope that things will improve. You've already started thinking about exit strategies.
When you find yourself planning for life without them while you're still with them, that's a sign.
Some people are already mentally moving out while their partner has no idea. They're checking apartments. They're separating finances in their head. They're building Plan B.
If you're there, be honest with yourself about what that means.
Sign #6: They Play Games
Games have no place in a serious relationship.
This is your life. Don't play with it.
What games look like:
- Testing you to see how you'll respond
- Withholding affection to punish you
- Creating drama to get attention
- Being intentionally vague about their feelings
- Stringing you along without commitment
- Using intimacy as a bargaining chip
If someone doesn't want to be with you, that's their choice. But don't let them play games with your time and emotions while they figure it out.
Be direct: If you're in a relationship, be in it. If you're not sure, say so. Games waste everyone's time.
Sign #7: They Never Remember Your Schedule or Priorities
What's important to you is not important to them.
They forget everything that matters to you. They don't know your schedule. They don't care about your commitments. They're doing their own thing on their own timeline.
Amos 3:3 says, "How can two walk together unless they agree?"
If one person is moving in one direction and the other doesn't even know (or care) where they're headed, that's not partnership. That's two ships passing in the night.
When someone doesn't care about your schedule, your priorities, or your direction in life, you're not a partner to them. You're a convenience.
Sign #8: They Always Blame Others for Their Problems
No ownership. Ever.
It's always someone else's fault. Their boss. Their ex. Their parents. Their circumstances. You.
But never them.
Any mature adult has to own their part. You can't improve what you don't own. You can't fix what you don't identify.
When someone refuses to take responsibility for their actions, they're telling you they have no intention of changing. Because change requires admitting there's something to change.
Sign #9: They're Super Competitive With You
They compete with you instead of completing you.
Everything becomes a contest. Who makes more money. Who's in better shape. Who works harder. Who's right more often.
Marriage is a team sport. You're supposed to be on the same side.
When your partner is constantly trying to one-up you, beat you, or prove they're better than you, something is broken. They should be your biggest supporter, not your biggest rival.
A real example: Working out together should mean helping each other, encouraging each other, pushing each other toward health. But some people turn it into a competition. They have to go faster, lift more, burn more calories. They have to "win."
That's exhausting. And it misses the entire point of partnership.
Complete each other. Don't compete with each other.
Sign #10: You Do All the Work in the Relationship
You're drained because you're carrying everything.
You make the money. You cook. You clean. You manage the kids. You plan the dates. You initiate the conversations. You do the emotional labor.
And they just... exist.
A relationship requires two people contributing. When one person does everything and the other does nothing, resentment builds. Exhaustion sets in. And eventually, something breaks.
Sign #11: You're Always Making Excuses for Their Behavior
You've become their PR team.
You explain away their rudeness to your family. "He just had a bad day."
You justify their coldness to your kids. "Leave them alone, they're stressed."
You defend their dysfunction to your friends. "You don't understand what they're going through."
You're constantly picking up after their emotional messes. They break people, and you have to fix them. They create problems, and you have to smooth them over.
That's not your job. You shouldn't have to constantly justify someone's inability to treat people right.
Sign #12: The Relationship is Borderline Abusive
This is the most serious sign.
Maybe it hasn't crossed the line into obvious abuse. But it's close. There's manipulation. There's control. There's emotional damage being done.
Don't wait until it gets worse to take action.
Borderline abuse often escalates. What starts as harsh words becomes cruel words. What starts as control becomes isolation. What starts as tension becomes danger.
If you feel unsafe, if you feel controlled, if you feel like you're walking on eggshells constantly, take that seriously.
What To Do With These Signs
If you recognized yourself in multiple signs from Part 1 and Part 2, it's time for honest evaluation.
Ask yourself:
- Am I being drained or filled by this relationship?
- Am I becoming more myself or less myself?
- Am I being built up or torn down?
- Is there mutual effort or one-sided work?
- Do I see a real future or just wishful thinking?
Steps to take:
- Talk to someone you trust outside the relationship
- Be honest about what's really happening
- Stop making excuses for unacceptable behavior
- Create a plan for your wellbeing
- Know that walking away is sometimes the healthiest choice
You deserve a relationship that:
- Brings out the best in you
- Makes you feel like yourself
- Involves mutual effort and respect
- Has a future you can look forward to
- Builds you up instead of breaking you down
Your peace is not negotiable.
Some relationships can be fixed with work, communication, and commitment from both people. But some relationships are toxic, and staying only makes things worse.
Know the difference. And have the courage to act on what you know.
Remember: Love, laugh, and learn together. But never at the expense of your peace, your identity, or your wellbeing.
