There's a dating trend picking up steam right now, and honestly, the Bible has been pointing us toward it all along. It's called dry dating, and before you ask, no, it has nothing to do with dry rubs or dry cleaning. Dry dating simply means going on dates without alcohol, drugs, or any substance that takes you off course.
The whole goal? Be in a position to make good decisions. That's it. And when it comes to choosing a life partner, good decisions are everything.
According to a Bumble survey, 54% of people are now being more mindful about how they date and the choices they make in the process. Alcohol consumption on dates has actually dropped by about 5%. Turns out, more people are figuring out that a clear head leads to better choices, and better choices lead to better relationships.
Be Fully Yourself on a Date
One of the biggest benefits of dry dating is that it lets you show up as the real you. Not the loosened-up, liquid-courage version of you. The actual you.
A lot of people drink before a date (especially a first date) because they think it'll take the edge off. They want to shake the nerves, loosen up, feel less awkward. And look, we get it. Meeting someone new can be uncomfortable. But here's the problem: if the person you're dating is meeting the drunk version of you, they're not really meeting you.
We once went on a double date with a couple, and when we asked the man what he did for a living, he said, "I drink." He was already drunk when we sat down. The woman he was with had talked us up, and he was so nervous about meeting us that he felt like he needed to get lit beforehand. The whole evening was uncomfortable. She kept apologizing for him. And that relationship? It never turned into anything positive.
On another occasion, we went on a trip with a couple and the wife's main goal the entire vacation was to stay drunk. We actually had to go on long walks, miles and miles, just so she could find a two-for-one deal on drinks. Nobody else was drinking. It was awkward for everybody.
People cope in different ways. But if you're thinking about marrying someone or being in a committed relationship, you want to be as open and honest as possible so you can get a real read on the person sitting across from you.
Keep a Clear Mind
The second benefit of dry dating is pretty straightforward: you can actually think clearly.
When you're under the influence, you miss things. You miss warning signs. You miss clues about someone's character. You overlook red flags that would have been obvious with a sober mind.
This is similar to what happens when physical intimacy enters a relationship too soon. You get attached before you really know someone. You skip the evaluation stage and jump straight into emotional territory you're not ready for, and that often leads to trouble.
Scripture tells us to "be sober-minded; be watchful" (1 Peter 5:8). That's not just spiritual advice. It's practical wisdom for every area of life, including dating.
Know if the Connection Is Real
Here's the third benefit, and it might be the most important one: dry dating helps you figure out whether there's a genuine connection or no connection at all.
When you're drunk, everybody looks good. That's just the truth. Alcohol distorts your perception. It makes a mediocre conversation feel like a deep connection and a bad match feel like a good time.
But when you're sober, you can take mental notes. You can pay attention. You can evaluate whether your morals line up, whether your life directions match, whether you actually enjoy this person's company without any chemical assistance.
God gives us intuition. He gives us clues. But we have to be paying attention to pick up on them. If you're not sober-minded in the process of choosing a partner, you will waste time with people who were never right for you.
Think about it this way: if you're taking a final exam and you show up drunk, how well are you going to perform? When you're dating someone, you're examining them. You're trying to figure out if your values align, if you're heading in the same direction, if this person is someone you could build a life with. That's not something you want to do with impaired judgment.
Why People Feel the Need to Drink Before Dates
So why do people reach for alcohol before a date? A few reasons.
Sometimes it's a lack of confidence. They don't feel good about themselves, so they think a few drinks will make them looser, more talkative, less awkward. And sure, maybe it works in the moment. But the wrong people take advantage of that looseness. And a lot of folks use alcohol as an excuse for behavior they wouldn't normally engage in. "We slept together, but I was drunk." That's not a reason. That's a choice wrapped in a justification.
(Now, we're not talking about anyone who had something put in their drink without their knowledge. That's a completely different situation. We're talking about people making a conscious decision to drink in order to cope with nerves or awkwardness.)
Sometimes it's about anxiety. Meeting someone new is stressful. Some people think a drink or two will calm their nerves. But if you find yourself consistently needing a substance to handle normal social situations, that's worth paying attention to. That pattern won't stay confined to dating. If someone needs to drink to meet a new person, will they need to drink to handle a job interview? A hard conversation? A disagreement with their spouse?
We once talked to someone who said they had to drink just to have sex. That was the only way they could relax enough. Think about what that reveals. If you can't be intimate with your partner without a substance, there's something deeper going on that alcohol is only masking.
Honesty Beats Liquid Courage Every Time
Here's a better approach: just be honest about your nerves.
There's nothing wrong with saying, "Hey, I'm really nervous right now. I don't date much and this is new for me." Or, "I'm excited about getting to know you, and honestly, I'm a little anxious."
That kind of transparency is attractive. It builds trust and creates space for the other person to be real with you too.
When you reveal truth, grace comes. It's the same principle we see in Scripture and in everyday life. When someone apologizes honestly, when someone admits they don't have it all together, we're inclined to give them grace. We can handle honesty. We can work with honesty. What we can't work with is a performance fueled by substances.
We all make mistakes. We all fall short. But vulnerability and truthfulness go a lot further than a buzz ever will.
Push Through the Discomfort
If you're someone who gets nervous before dates (and most people do), the answer isn't to numb the feeling. The answer is to push through it.
There's a difference between nervousness that signals danger and nervousness that signals growth. If the Holy Spirit is telling you not to do something, listen. But if you're nervous because you're stretching yourself, because you're doing something outside your comfort zone, push through. On the other side of that discomfort is confidence. You'll feel like you actually accomplished something. You conquered a fear instead of hiding from it.
Real courage isn't the absence of fear. It's walking into the room anyway, clear-headed and honest about who you are.
We don't overcome fear by drinking alcohol or using drugs. Fear is not from God (2 Timothy 1:7). He gave us a spirit of power, love, and a sound mind. A sound mind. Not an impaired one.
Find Your Person With a Clear Head
If you're serious about finding your mate, about building something that lasts, do it without anything clouding your judgment. Dry dating isn't just a trend. It's wisdom. It's choosing to see people for who they actually are, show up as who you actually are, and let God guide the process without interference.
The person God has for you doesn't need you drunk to enjoy your company. And you don't need a drink to be worth knowing.
Remember: Love, laugh, and learn together.
