Dating After Divorce
Rest And Heal
For every year of marriage, give yourself one month to rest and heal. For example, if you were married for 5 years, wait 5 months. If the marriage lasted 20 years, wait 20 months. Divorce acts like death, so you must grieve the time you spent with your ex-spouse and then heal before stepping back out there. This is especially true if your marriage was long-term; you need to be mentally ready to make yourself vulnerable to someone else again. It's really hard to open yourself up to someone after you've been hurt in a previous relationship, and you don't want to carry that past into the future. So, whatever issues you dealt with in your marriage, you'll want to unpack and deal with them before going into the next relationship.
Learn From Your Past Relationship
Identify areas that you can improve upon before entering a new relationship. Make sure that whatever part you played in the demise of your past relationship isn't brought into the new one because if you don't deal with old behaviours, you'll carry them forward. If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always had. Change begins with you, so think about what role you played in the divorce, what you can learn from it, and how you can change accordingly.
Make Sure You're Mentally Ready
Make sure you're not competing with your ex and jumping into the dating pool simply because they are. Do a heart check and make sure you're not putting yourself out there just because they're already in a relationship. This isn't the time to rush into something new; it's the time to take your time and make sure you're mentally ready and fully healed before jumping into the dating pool. Don't allow yourself to be competitive. Remember: hurt people hurt people. Often, people put a bandaid on their hurt by getting with someone else before they're ready. This is especially relevant to people who have sex with new partners before they're ready simply because they think it'll help them get over their past relationship. In reality, this never works and doesn't fix the hurt.
Focus On Your Relationship With God
If you've been through a terrible divorce, your heart and mind will need healing. However, a person cannot restore you. You'll need a refresh and healing from God. Work on your relationship with God to get yourself together before you get with someone else. Oftentimes, broken relationships are based on our thoughts, opinions, and feelings. After the divorce, listen to God and what He's telling you to do, even if it's not to pursue a relationship at all.
Relearn Who You are
Get back to your grassroots and figure out the things you like. Do something new, start a hobby, and find out who you are without your ex-spouse. When you were married, you did things based on what the "group" liked to do, meaning you and your spouse, your families, and mutual friend groups. Now, you need to figure out what you like to do. Relearn who you are and how you've changed and grown during your marriage. Now that you're single, think about what your purpose is and whether there's something you should be doing. Remember: a person doesn't complete you. You're already complete. Oftentimes, a person depletes you, especially divorce. Focus on yourself and fulfilling your purpose and goals. Usually, by undergoing this process, you will find the person who's right for you.
