Let's be honest. We all have bad habits.
Some are minor. Some are embarrassing. And some are slowly destroying our relationships without us even realizing it.
Today, we're talking about the bad habits in relationships that you need to address before they do serious damage. These aren't just annoyances. These are patterns that erode trust, kill intimacy, and create distance between you and your spouse.
Let's get into it.
Bad Habit #1: Neglecting Hygiene
Let's start with the basics: taking care of yourself.
This includes:
- Brushing your teeth (morning breath is not attractive)
- Showering regularly
- Taking care of your nails
- Shaving or grooming appropriately
- Dental care beyond just brushing
- Overall personal maintenance
When you neglect hygiene, it affects more than just how you smell. It affects intimacy. It affects your spouse's desire to be close to you. It affects your relationship in ways you might not even realize.
Here's the truth: You weren't doing this when you were dating.
When you were trying to win your spouse, you put your best foot forward. You bathed regularly. You made sure your breath was fresh. You smelled good. You cared about how you presented yourself.
What happened?
For many people, once they get comfortable in a relationship, they let themselves go. The effort drops off. And suddenly, their spouse is dealing with breath that smells like an alligator and other hygiene issues that kill any desire for closeness.
Important note: Sometimes bad breath or body odor isn't just about brushing your teeth or showering more. It can be a sign of health issues.
If you brush your teeth and your breath still smells bad, there might be a dental issue or a health-related problem you need to address. If your sweat smells unusually foul, that's your body telling you something is wrong internally.
Don't be embarrassed. Address it.
Get regular checkups. See a dentist. Talk to a doctor. Your body isn't supposed to have persistent bad odors. If it does, something needs attention.
And sometimes, people don't even know they have a hygiene problem until someone tells them. If you've been single for a long time, you might not realize that certain things are off. A loving spouse who addresses it kindly is doing you a favor.
Bad Habit #2: Secret Spending and Hidden Debt
You cannot grow financially as a couple if you're hiding debt and spending.
This is one of the most destructive habits in marriage. One spouse is spending money the other doesn't know about. Credit cards are maxed out in secret. Debt is piling up, and the other person has no idea.
How does this happen?
Someone makes an unnecessary purchase. Then another. Then another. They don't want to have the conversation, so they hide it. The debt grows. The credit score drops. And eventually, the truth comes out (it always does).
The damage isn't just financial. It's trust.
When your spouse discovers you've been hiding spending or debt, they wonder: What else are you hiding? If you can lie about money, what else can you lie about?
The fix: Communicate about finances openly.
If you know you got a little loose with the credit card, tell your spouse. "Hey babe, I need to let you know that I spent some money on things I probably shouldn't have. I want to be honest with you about it."
That conversation is uncomfortable. But it's far better than the explosion that happens when they find out on their own.
Practical tools:
- Use budgeting apps together
- Have regular money meetings (weekly or monthly)
- Set spending limits that require a conversation before crossing
- Be transparent about all accounts and debts
- Use credit monitoring together so there are no surprises
Financial secrets destroy marriages. Don't let a spending habit become a trust issue.
Bad Habit #3: Being Overly Defensive
When you're always defensive, you create a culture where your spouse doesn't want to communicate with you.
Think about it. If every time your spouse brings up an issue, you immediately get defensive, blame them, or deflect, what happens? They stop bringing things up. They become apprehensive about having real conversations with you.
The result? Problems fester. Resentment builds. Issues that could have been resolved with a simple conversation turn into major conflicts.
It's like crying wolf. If you respond defensively every single time, your spouse eventually stops trying to communicate. And when there's a real issue that needs to be addressed, they don't even bother coming to you.
Here's a visual: When you always have your hands up (defending yourself), you can't receive anything.
You can't receive feedback. You can't receive truth. You can't receive love. You're so busy protecting yourself that you can't grow.
The principle: You'll never learn if you never listen.
How to break this habit:
- Pause before responding (don't react immediately)
- Ask clarifying questions instead of defending yourself
- Repeat back what you heard to make sure you understand
- Acknowledge their perspective before sharing yours
- Thank them for being honest with you (even if it's hard to hear)
Defensiveness kills communication. And without communication, relationships die.
Bad Habit #4: Constant Criticism
If you're always criticizing your spouse, you're poisoning your marriage.
When someone is never right in your eyes, when they're always doing something wrong, when you can't find anything good or positive about what they do, they eventually stop trying.
What's the point? If everything I do is wrong, why even bother?
This is especially damaging for men. One of the most common complaints from husbands is that they get all the negatives without any positives. They hear everything they do wrong, but rarely hear about what they do right.
The result? They shut down. They disengage. They stop putting in effort. And in some cases, they start looking for appreciation elsewhere.
The fix: Balance your feedback.
You're with this person for a reason. They did something right at some point. They have good qualities. Find them and acknowledge them.
Give praise when you give criticism. "I appreciate how hard you work for our family. And I think we need to talk about how we're handling the finances." That's balanced. That's constructive.
Criticism without appreciation is just tearing someone down.
Bad Habit #5: Unhealthy Competition
Marriage is not a competition. It's a partnership.
Some couples compete over everything:
- Who makes more money
- Who's in better shape
- Who does more around the house
- Who's the better parent
- Who works harder
But here's the truth: It's not about competing. It's about completing.
One spouse might be better in one area than the other. That's normal. That's how partnership works. Your strengths cover their weaknesses, and vice versa.
The problem with competition:
- It makes your spouse feel inferior
- It creates resentment
- It turns your marriage into a scoreboard instead of a team
- It often masks deeper insecurities
If you find yourself always trying to one-up your spouse or get "credit" for what you do, ask yourself: What's the root cause of this?
Often, competition in marriage is a heart issue. You're deflecting your own insecurities onto your spouse. You're trying to feel better about yourself by making them feel less than.
The shift: Stop keeping score. Start celebrating each other's wins. Work together toward shared goals instead of competing against each other.
You're on the same team. Act like it.
Bad Habit #6: Unrealistic Expectations
This might be the most damaging habit of all.
Unrealistic expectations set your spouse up to fail before they even have a chance.
Where do unrealistic expectations come from?
Often, they come from past relationships. You've been with people who did things a certain way, and now you're trying to make your current spouse into a combination of everyone you've ever been with.
You're taking 15 different men or 15 different women and trying to compress them into one person. That's impossible. And it's unfair.
Common areas of unrealistic expectations:
- Finances: Expecting them to make a certain amount of money or spend a certain way
- Sex: Expecting frequency, adventure, or performance that may not match their desires or abilities
- Time: Expecting them to be available whenever you want them
- Love: Expecting them to express love exactly the way you want it
- Communication: Expecting them to read your mind
When expectations aren't met, frustration builds. Anxiety increases. Stress grows. And unmet needs often get met outside the relationship (which leads to even bigger problems).
The fix: Communicate your expectations clearly.
Don't assume your spouse knows what you expect. Tell them. Write it down if you need to.
A practical exercise: Both of you write down what you expect from each other as husband and wife. Then come together, share your lists, and find common ground. Compromise where needed. Create a shared understanding of what you're both working toward.
If you've been married for years and never had this conversation, it's not too late. Sit down and do it now. Unspoken expectations are unfair expectations.
How to Break Bad Habits in Your Relationship
Step 1: Acknowledge the habit exists.
You can't fix what you won't admit. Be honest with yourself about the bad habits you bring to your relationship.
Step 2: Communicate with your spouse.
Talk about the habits you've identified. Ask them if there are habits they've noticed that bother them. Create a safe space for honest conversation.
Step 3: Identify the root cause.
Bad habits often have deeper roots. Why are you defensive? Why do you compete? Why do you have unrealistic expectations? Understanding the "why" helps you address the real issue.
Step 4: Create a plan to change.
Habits take time to break. Be intentional. Set specific goals. Hold each other accountable. Celebrate progress.
Step 5: Give grace.
You won't change overnight. Neither will your spouse. Be patient with each other. Extend the same grace you'd want to receive.
Final Thoughts: Bad Habits Don't Have to Define Your Marriage
Every couple has bad habits. The difference between marriages that thrive and marriages that struggle is whether those habits are addressed or ignored.
Don't let:
- Neglected hygiene kill your intimacy
- Secret spending destroy your trust
- Defensiveness shut down your communication
- Constant criticism break your spouse's spirit
- Unhealthy competition divide your team
- Unrealistic expectations set your spouse up to fail
Instead, be honest. Have the hard conversations. Do the work to change. Support each other in growth.
Your marriage is worth the effort.
Bad habits can be broken. New patterns can be formed. And the relationship you want is possible when you're willing to address what's holding you back.
Remember: Love, laugh, and learn together. Growth is always possible.
