Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship
Unconditional Love
Most of our love is based on conditions. For example:
"I love you as long as you don't cheat on me." "I love you as long as you pay the bills." "I love you as long as you always look and smell good."
However, we must be prepared to agape them – agape being the highest form of love. While some of us have filial (brotherly) love or eros (erotic) love, agape love is the kind of love that God has for us – loving you more in spite of you. That's a tough kind of love that must be shown through touch, acts of kindness, words of affirmation, gifts, etc. People often think that paying bills is enough proof that you love someone. People appreciate when you pay bills, but it's beyond that.
Love Endures With Patience and Serenity
The first ingredients in love are patience and endurance because love is not a quick fix. Some things, and some people, take time. So, you cannot love someone if you're not patient with them. Love is kind and thoughtful. It is not jealous, envious, boastful, proud, self-seeking, provoked, or easily angered. It does not take into account minor wrongdoings. In fact, love doesn't rejoice in justice but rejoices when truth and right prevail – regardless of who is "right". Love bears all things, looks for the best in each other, remains steadfast during difficult times, and endures all things without weakening.
Remember: if love never fails, fades, or ends, then how does one fall out of love? Lots of people say they love someone without actually investing in the cost of love. It's easy to say you love someone but another thing to actually live love out. You have to be intentional with love.
Positive Intent
Having positive intent means thinking the best of something even when it looks like the worst. Oftentimes, people assume that their partner knew exactly what was happening or is 100% complicit in something. They put their partner's knowledge on a pedestal as if they're omniscient and all-knowing. When you do that, you set yourself up for negative intent when the case might have been that your partner didn't know or understand something. Perhaps you didn't communicate something well and they didn't respond the way you thought they would. Instead, assume positive intent because you'll have a positive reaction regardless of what their intention was. It's not your place to figure out whether their intentions were negative or positive; you can only control your response. Be mindful that your spouse is your intelligent decision, so when you belittle and talk about them, you're really talking about you and your intelligence because you chose them.
Not Expecting Your Spouse To Be Responsible
Don't expect your spouse to be responsible for fulfilling all your needs. Happiness doesn't come from a person; it's based on what's happening. Be mindful that our joy comes from the Lord and no person will fulfill the void that God has. You get your strength and stronghold from God. Do not lean on other people or your partner because they're not meant to totally support you forever. Often people make the mistake of finding their happiness in other people and are disappointed when the person can't support it.
