Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship
Unconditional Love
Most of our love is based on conditions. For example:
"I love you as long as you don't cheat on me." "I love you as long as you pay the bills." "I love you as long as you always look and smell good."
However, we must be prepared to agape them – agape being the highest form of love. While some of us have filial (brotherly) love or eros (erotic) love, agape love is the kind of love that God has for us – loving you more in spite of you. That's a tough kind of love that must be shown through touch, acts of kindness, words of affirmation, gifts, etc. People often think that paying bills is enough proof that you love someone. People appreciate when you pay bills, but it's beyond that.
Love Endures With Patience and Serenity
The first ingredients in love are patience and endurance because love is not a quick fix. Some things, and some people, take time. So, you cannot love someone if you're not patient with them. Love is kind and thoughtful. It is not jealous, envious, boastful, proud, self-seeking, provoked, or easily angered. It does not take into account minor wrongdoings. In fact, love doesn't rejoice in justice but rejoices when truth and right prevail – regardless of who is "right". Love bears all things, looks for the best in each other, remains steadfast during difficult times, and endures all things without weakening.
Remember: if love never fails, fades, or ends, then how does one fall out of love? Lots of people say they love someone without actually investing in the cost of love. It's easy to say you love someone but another thing to actually live love out. You have to be intentional with love.
Positive Intent
Having positive intent means thinking the best of something even when it looks like the worst. Oftentimes, people assume that their partner knew exactly what was happening or is 100% complicit in something. They put their partner's knowledge on a pedestal as if they're omniscient and all-knowing. When you do that, you set yourself up for negative intent when the case might have been that your partner didn't know or understand something. Perhaps you didn't communicate something well and they didn't respond the way you thought they would. Instead, assume positive intent because you'll have a positive reaction regardless of what their intention was. It's not your place to figure out whether their intentions were negative or positive; you can only control your response. Be mindful that your spouse is your intelligent decision, so when you belittle and talk about them, you're really talking about you and your intelligence because you chose them.
Not Expecting Your Spouse To Be Responsible
Don't expect your spouse to be responsible for fulfilling all your needs. Happiness doesn't come from a person; it's based on what's happening. Be mindful that our joy comes from the Lord and no person will fulfill the void that God has. You get your strength and stronghold from God. Do not lean on other people or your partner because they're not meant to totally support you forever. Often people make the mistake of finding their happiness in other people and are disappointed when the person can't support it.
Common Questions
What are the characteristics of a healthy relationship?
Four foundations stand out: unconditional, agape love that loves in spite of flaws; love that endures with patience and kindness; assuming positive intent in your partner; and not expecting your spouse to fill needs only God can fill. Together they keep love steady instead of conditional.
What is unconditional love in a relationship?
It is agape, the highest form of love, the kind God has for us: loving someone more in spite of them, not because they meet your conditions. Most love says "I love you as long as," which fails the moment conditions change. Real love gets lived out intentionally through action.
What does it mean to assume positive intent in marriage?
It means thinking the best of your spouse even when something looks like the worst. People often assume their partner knew exactly what they were doing, when really they may not have understood or it wasn't communicated well. You can't judge their intent, you can only control your own response.
Should your spouse be responsible for your happiness?
No. Happiness pinned on a person will always disappoint, because no human can fill the void only God fills. Your joy and strength come from the Lord, not your partner. Love them deeply, but don't lean your whole weight on them, because they were never meant to carry it.
