How Porn Impacts Your Marriage
Sets Unrealistic Expectations
Sex will not be the same as what you see in pornography videos because pornography is manufactured for your viewing pleasure. These videos are performed by actors paid to make sounds and exclaim how they're feeling. They're not meant to mimic regular, organic sexual encounters. If you're having sex with your partner and they're not making the same sounds, have the same endowments, or performing with the same skills and prowesses as you see in videos, then you might be conditioned to feel disappointed.
Overexcitement for Men
When a man gets overexcited, he may not last long enough to make a worthwhile experience. If he watches porn, this could cause him to get overexcited and climax shortly after beginning the sexual act with his partner. This can mess with his confidence and cause him to worry about his performance.
Desensitization to Sex
Regular sex won't start to feel the same anymore once you start incorporating porn in the bedroom, and it can even desensitize men to the point that they struggle to get or hold an erection. It'll become difficult to get excited as easily as before. There are so many ways to get creative in the bedroom that don't involve pornography.
Comparing Porn Stars to Your Spouse
You run the risk of desensitizing the arousal you get from your spouse's attractiveness because you're so used to seeing pornstars with large breasts, skinny waists, muscles, large members, etc. Remember that pornography is their job, so they must upkeep their image to stay visually pleasing. Oftentimes, they also get aesthetic work done on their body to keep everything looking attractive.
It's Addictive
Whether you watch it late at night after your spouse goes to sleep, during lunch at work, or in the car on the way home, pornography can consume you. In fact, some prefer to watch porn instead of having sex because it's the only thing that arouses them. It's important to be careful with pornography and catch yourself if you think it's getting between you and your sex life. Remember: you can do everything in the bedroom that you see in those videos.
It's a Gateway to Adultery
There are pornography videos for anything you can think of, but especially those involving multiple people. It leads you to believe that it's all right to share your spouse with someone else. You will move in the direction of your most dominant thought, so if you're thinking about doing the things you see in porn videos like including or seeking other people, then you're manifesting those thoughts into reality. You must always think about the consequences of anything you do in your relationship and whether you're willing to pay that price.
It's a Poor Example of Lovemaking
How you and your spouse have sex is between you and your spouse, including what you agree upon and what you both like or don't like. Something you see in a video may not be something that your spouse likes, so it's important to communicate with each other about your bedroom interests, whether it's BDSM, toys, performing certain actions, etc.
Needing to Imagine Someone Else During Sex
If you reach this point, then you're no longer connected to your spouse in a way that arouses you. This is devastating because now you're closing your eyes and thinking about someone you saw in a video in order to orgasm instead of appreciating your spouse during such an intimate and vulnerable moment.
Common Questions
How does pornography impact a marriage?
In eight damaging ways: it sets unrealistic expectations, causes overexcitement, desensitizes you to real sex, makes you compare your spouse to performers, becomes addictive, opens a gateway to adultery, models poor intimacy, and can leave you imagining someone else during sex. Each one quietly erodes the connection real intimacy is built on.
Why does porn create unrealistic expectations?
Because it's manufactured for viewing pleasure, performed by paid actors making sounds and showing skills that aren't organic. If your spouse doesn't match those manufactured looks, sounds, or performances, you can be conditioned to feel disappointed by normal, real intimacy. It sets a standard no real relationship was ever meant to meet.
Can pornography become a gateway to adultery?
It can. There's porn for anything imaginable, including scenarios involving multiple people, which can lead you to believe sharing your spouse is acceptable. You move toward your most dominant thought, so dwelling on what you see manifests in that direction. Always weigh the consequences and whether you're willing to pay the price.
How does porn desensitize you to your spouse?
Constant exposure to performers with exaggerated bodies can dull the arousal you feel from your spouse's real attractiveness, and for some men it makes regular sex harder to enjoy or even causes erectile struggles. Worst case, you start imagining someone else to climax, which means you're no longer truly connected to your spouse.
