We're back with more bad habits to avoid in your relationship.
If you missed Part 1, go back and check it out. But today, we're diving into seven more destructive patterns that can slowly erode your marriage if left unchecked.
These habits might seem small at first. But over time, they create distance, break trust, and damage the foundation of your relationship. Let's identify them so you can address them before they do serious harm.
Bad Habit #1: Assuming Instead of Discussing
This is one of the biggest challenges in relationships.
We assume our spouse understands what we're thinking. We assume they know what we expect. We assume they should "just know" based on our past experiences.
But here's the problem: How does your spouse know what you're thinking?
How do they know what you've been through? How do they know what your father or mother modeled for you? How do they know your expectations about finances, chores, intimacy, or communication?
They don't. Unless you discuss it.
What happens when we assume instead of discuss?
- We project our expectations onto our spouse without ever explaining them
- We get disappointed when they don't meet standards they didn't know existed
- We create disunity over things that were never actually communicated
- We miss opportunities for fulfillment because we never talked about what fulfillment looks like
Common assumptions that cause problems:
- "He's going to pay for dinner tonight." (Did you discuss that?)
- "We're going to be intimate tonight." (Did you communicate that?)
- "She knows I need space when I get home from work." (Did you tell her?)
- "He should know how to load the dishwasher correctly." (Based on what?)
There's an old saying: When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me.
Instead of assuming, discuss. Ask questions. Get clarity. Don't expect your spouse to read your mind.
This also applies to everyday communication. After years of marriage, you might think you know your spouse so well that you can predict what they're thinking. But people change. Situations change. And what they did last time doesn't guarantee what they'll do this time.
When assumptions cause miscommunication:
- Don't argue about it
- Reflect together: "We both assumed differently"
- Identify where the disconnect happened
- Discuss how to communicate better next time
The fix is simple: Talk more. Assume less.
Bad Habit #2: Skipping Quality Time
You can't have a thriving relationship without investing time in it.
Quality time isn't optional. It's essential. And when you skip it consistently, your relationship suffers.
The difference between couples who thrive and couples who drift apart? Intentionality.
Thriving couples plan dates. They schedule time together. They prioritize each other even when life gets busy.
Drifting couples assume it will happen naturally. They wait for the other person to plan something. They let weeks (or months) go by without meaningful connection.
What works: Having a set day and time for quality time.
Don't assume your spouse is going to plan a date. Don't wait for the "right moment" to appear. Put it on the calendar. Make it a habit.
The reality? You don't realize how much you miss quality time until you actually have it. You go on a date night after weeks of being busy, and you think, "Man, I needed this."
That feeling tells you something. Your relationship is starving for attention.
Quality time also precipitates other things. When you talk, when you connect, when you invest in each other, it leads to deeper intimacy (emotional and physical). It's all connected.
Important note: If you're struggling financially, don't use that as an excuse to skip quality time.
Quality time doesn't have to cost money. A walk together. A conversation on the porch. Cooking dinner together. Watching a movie at home. Playing a game.
It's not about the money. It's about the investment of time and attention.
Don't wait for later. Invest the time now while you have the chance.
Bad Habit #3: Dishonesty
A lie is a lie. Call it what it is.
People try to soften it. "It was just a white lie." "It wasn't a big deal." "I didn't want to hurt their feelings."
But dishonesty, no matter how small, erodes trust. And once trust is damaged, it's incredibly hard to rebuild.
The areas where people lie the most:
- Money: "How much did you spend on that?" "I've had this for a while."
- Sex: Hiding desires, faking satisfaction, or lying about past experiences
- Location: "Where are you?" "Who were you with?"
- Communication: "Did you talk to them?" "What did they say?"
Here's the reality: If this person is your lifelong partner, you cannot keep lies going forever.
Eventually, it comes out. Someone sees you. Someone hears something. A bill arrives. A text pops up. The truth has a way of surfacing.
And when it does? The damage is worse than if you had just been honest in the first place.
The principle: Be naked and unashamed.
That's not just about physical intimacy. It's about total transparency. Total honesty. Nothing hidden.
The devil operates in the dark. Secrets. Lies. Hidden things. That's his territory. Don't partner with darkness in your marriage.
Choose transparency. It's harder in the moment, but it protects your relationship long-term.
Bad Habit #4: Controlling Behaviors
Controlling behaviors are toxic. And they often escalate.
Examples of controlling behaviors:
- Controlling who your spouse talks to
- Monitoring their phone and texts constantly
- Dictating what clothes they can wear
- Deciding where they can and can't go
- Micromanaging their time and activities
- Making all the decisions without input
Where does this come from?
Usually, controlling behavior stems from a hurt place. Past trauma. Jealousy. Insecurity. Fear of being betrayed again.
But regardless of the source, controlling behavior is not healthy. It damages trust. It creates resentment. And often, it leads to some form of emotional (or even physical) abuse.
If you recognize these patterns in yourself:
- Acknowledge that the behavior is harmful
- Identify the root cause (What hurt or fear is driving this?)
- Seek help (counseling, therapy, pastoral guidance)
- Work on healing the wound instead of controlling your spouse
If you're on the receiving end of controlling behavior:
- Set boundaries
- Communicate how it makes you feel
- Seek outside support if needed
- Don't normalize what isn't normal
Control is not love. Love trusts. Love gives freedom. Love doesn't micromanage every aspect of another person's life.
Bad Habit #5: Distrust and Jealousy
Trust takes time to build. And when it's broken, it doesn't spring back overnight.
This is hard for people who've made mistakes to accept. You mess up. You realize it. You apologize. And you want to erase the mistake and go back to the way things were.
But it doesn't work that way.
When trust is broken, your spouse isn't the same person anymore. They've experienced trauma. They've been hurt. And now they're dealing with a new reality.
For the person who was offended:
- You need to set new guidelines for rebuilding trust
- Be specific about what you need from your spouse
- Don't expect instant healing (it's a process)
- Be willing to forgive, but also protect yourself
For the person who offended:
- You must abide by the new guidelines
- Don't be offended by boundaries (you created this situation)
- Be patient (rebuilding trust takes time)
- Show consistent change over time
Think of it like a job. If you mess up at work, you go through a probationary period. You're monitored. You have to prove yourself before you're restored to full status.
Relationships work the same way. A probationary period might be necessary. And if you're the one who messed up, you need to accept that without resentment.
Bad Habit #6: Too Much Screen Time
Drop the phone. Close the laptop. Turn off the TV. Look at each other.
How many times have you seen couples at restaurants, sitting across from each other, both on their phones? It happens all the time. And it's a symptom of a bigger problem.
Technology is monopolizing time that should go to your relationship.
Phones are necessary. iPads are useful. But they can also become barriers to real human connection.
Signs you have a screen time problem:
- You're on your phone during meals together
- You scroll while your spouse is talking
- You check notifications constantly, even during quality time
- You can't have a conversation without a screen in hand
- You know more about social media drama than what's happening in your spouse's life
The fix: Carve out intentional time for human interaction without technology.
Put the phones in another room during dinner. Have a "no screens after 8 PM" rule. Create tech-free zones in your home.
Your spouse deserves your undivided attention. Not the leftover focus after you've scrolled through every app.
Bad Habit #7: Invading Their Privacy
All up in their text messages. All up in their DMs. All up in their search history.
Let's be real: If you're constantly searching through your spouse's phone, that's a sign of deeper issues.
Why do people do this?
- Mistrust (based on past hurt)
- Insecurity
- Fear of being betrayed
- Unresolved trauma from previous relationships
- Actual red flags in the current relationship
Here's the problem with invading privacy:
If you look hard enough for something, you're going to find something. And it might not even be what you think it is.
A real story:
Early in marriage (like the first two months), a wife saw a name in her husband's phone: "Nikki." She didn't know any Nikki. So she got an attitude.
"Who is Nikki? I saw Nikki called you. Who is Nikki?"
The husband played it cool. "Don't worry about who Nikki is."
"Please don't make me call Nikki."
"Call her. See what happens."
So she called. And Nikki answered. But "Nikki" was actually a nickname for one of the football players her husband used to play with. A man.
When he answered and said hello, she hung up. He called back: "Why'd you hang up on me? You don't trust your husband?"
It was convicting. It revealed that there were trust issues that had nothing to do with the husband's behavior. It was hurt from the past. Self-created suspicion. Fear.
The lesson? When you find yourself searching through your spouse's stuff, recognize that you have a part to play. There's something inside you that needs to be addressed.
Ask yourself:
- Why am I doing this?
- What hurt is driving this behavior?
- Is there actual evidence of wrongdoing, or am I creating problems in my own mind?
- Am I willing to take responsibility for my own trust issues?
You have to be responsible for you. Searching through your spouse's phone doesn't fix your insecurity. It just feeds it.
Build trust through communication, not surveillance.
Final Thoughts: Recognize Your Part
Every bad habit in this list has something in common: You have a part to play.
Whether it's assuming instead of discussing, skipping quality time, being dishonest, controlling your spouse, harboring distrust, being glued to screens, or invading privacy, you have the power to change.
Start by recognizing the patterns.
Then have honest conversations with your spouse. Identify where you need to grow. Seek help if necessary. And commit to doing better.
Bad habits don't have to define your relationship. They're just patterns that can be broken with intention, effort, and time.
Your marriage is worth the work. Don't let these habits destroy what you're building together.
Remember: Love, laugh, and learn together. Growth is always possible.
