7 Keys to a Thriving Marriage: Biblical Guidance for Couples
Marriage has always presented challenges because becoming one requires work, sacrifice, effort, and discipline. But a thriving marriage is absolutely possible. Today, we're exploring seven biblical keys that can transform your relationship and help you build the strong, lasting marriage God intended.
1. Keep Christ at the Center
The Bible asks in Amos 3:3, "How can two walk together unless they agree?" The foundation of any thriving marriage starts with an agreement to keep Christ at the center. Since God is the author of marriage, it's difficult to have a successful marriage without Him.
God is the best tiebreaker in your marriage. When you're going through a hard time and can't figure out who's right—because everyone thinks they're right—you need to ask: How does God see it? When you keep God in the center of your relationship and can't decide what to do, go right to the book. Find out what God's answer is. No one's arguing with the Bible.
Here's the reality: when you have two intelligent people who both think they're right, you need an umpire, and that umpire is the Bible. If you don't know the Bible well, find a person with godly wisdom to help you. With all the information available today, you can find the answers, but will you submit to them?
Many times people are right, but they're not righteous. Right is in my eyes. Righteousness is in the eyes of God. As the Bible says, a three-fold cord is not easily broken—meaning me, you, and God working it out together.
2. Practice Communication, Love, and Honesty
Truth is the bedrock foundation of every relationship. We must be able to articulate exactly how we feel, even when it's hard. As long as we're dealing in truth, our spouse will realize we're not trying to hurt them—we just want to be honest.
When you need to have a tough conversation with your spouse, start with something positive. What are you doing great? Acknowledge where you're killing it in your relationship. Express appreciation for specific things they do well.
Then address the issue by putting it on yourself: "I'm having an issue with this. When you do this, it makes me feel this way." Finally, pose the question: "How can we work on this together?" This approach gets buy-in rather than creating defensiveness.
The couples winning at communication are the ones who can be totally vulnerable with each other—naked, with no walls up. If you're not honest, you're leading yourself to a bigger problem down the road. Yes, honesty can be uncomfortable, but it's essential for a healthy marriage.
3. Prioritize Quality Time
We try to be intentional about prioritizing quality time together because our marriage is the only relationship that will remain in this house long-term. Our children will one day be married and gone. If we don't make the investment in our marriage now, one day those kids will be gone and we'll have to deal with each other alone. We want to make sure we're in a good place when that time comes.
Being intentional about spending time together is vital for connection and intimacy. It helps you get to know the new spouse you have because your spouse is constantly changing and evolving. You think you know your spouse? Wait five years—they'll be a whole different person. You want to grow together and keep up with each other's changes.
The mundane schedules—picking kids up from school, extracurricular activities, homework, bedtime routines—can consume your time. Whether you have young children or are empty nesters with your own hobbies and friend groups, you must be intentional about protecting time together.
4. Choose to Forgive Daily
The Bible says don't let the day go down on your wrath—don't go to bed angry. Colossians 3:13 tells us to "bear with each other and forgive." Paul says, "I crucify my flesh daily." If God gives us fresh grace and fresh mercy every day, shouldn't we extend that to our spouse?
Putting your spouse on a pedestal can make it harder when they fall. Forgiveness can be challenging because you think they know better. But they're still human. Realizing your spouse will make mistakes—because all have fallen short of the glory—helps you extend grace when those situations happen.
Not one person is perfect. Your spouse needs to be able to give you grace, and you need to give grace to them whenever mistakes occur. This daily practice of forgiveness keeps bitterness from taking root in your marriage.
5. Keep Pursuing Each Other
In the dating process, you pursue them and present your best version of yourself. You get haircuts, smell good, brush your teeth, show up early, and do the extra things. But sometimes after marriage, we stop doing what we used to do.
Date your wife for life. If you don't date your wife for life, you're letting the enemy into the camp. You want her to feel as if you're always desiring her, always wanting her, always chasing after her. Whether you're 20, 50, 60, or 70, you should never lose the desire to pursue and win her.
This pursuit isn't just romantic—it's about continuously showing interest, appreciation, and attention to your spouse. It's the small gestures, the thoughtful acts, the intentional pursuit that keeps the spark alive in your marriage.
6. Protect Your Unity
When you come together as one, you're strongest. But there are so many things in society that cause distractions and could cause you to separate. Sometimes it's the closest people around you who don't help you protect the unity of your marriage.
It could be a parent, sibling, or best friend constantly trying to put you in situations you shouldn't be in as a married person, or asking you to go against something they know your spouse is against. Parents can do this without even realizing it, and because many people don't want to say no to their parents, this creates tension.
The two things that cause the biggest strife regarding unity in marriage are parents and children. Kids have a way of separating you with "Daddy said this" or "Mommy said that." Parents create allegiance conflicts that force us to make tough decisions we may not want to make.
That's why it's crucial to remember: what God has joined together, let no man put asunder. Your marriage comes first, and you must protect that unity at all costs.
7. Serve Your Spouse with Selflessness
Serve them. Never stop serving. It should be a "serve fair"—constantly asking, "How could I serve you better?" But the key is selflessness.
You can serve with the intent of getting something in return—taking your spouse out on a date expecting intimacy later, washing dishes and cooking dinner because you want to ask for money outside the budget, or giving a massage right before revealing you bought a new car. That's manipulation, not service.
True serving in your marriage means doing things with no expectation of anything in return. Just doing nice things because it's the right thing to do. We avoid doing kind things sometimes as punishment—"You didn't do something for me, so I'm not going to do something for you." That's not godly.
Acts of kindness should be a daily practice with nothing expected back. However, the reality is you can't keep giving and not receiving—it's only a matter of time before your selfless service is reciprocated.
The Foundation for Lasting Love
Here's an important principle: if you expect something and don't get it, you become upset. But you can't get mad if you didn't communicate what you expected. A person can't fulfill what you don't define. How can someone hit a mark you didn't mention?
Communication eliminates assumptions and creates clarity in your expectations. When both partners are committed to these seven keys—keeping Christ at the center, communicating honestly, prioritizing time together, forgiving daily, pursuing each other, protecting unity, and serving selflessly—you create a foundation for a thriving marriage that can weather any storm.
These aren't quick fixes or magic solutions. They require consistent effort, intentionality, and a willingness to grow together. But when you apply these biblical principles, you'll discover that a thriving marriage isn't just possible—it's the beautiful reality God intended for you.
