After 26 years of marriage, we've learned that success doesn't happen by accident. It's built on intentional habits, consistent effort, and proven principles.
Today, we're sharing eight research-backed keys identified by psychologists that help successful relationships continue on the path of success. These aren't just our ideas. These are proven strategies that work when you put them into practice.
Whether you're newlyweds or celebrating decades together, these eight keys will strengthen your foundation and keep your love alive.
Key #1: Effective Communication
Can we talk?
Communication has been an ongoing challenge throughout our relationship. It's so important, yet so challenging because you think after a certain amount of time, you know the person. You guess things. And you guess wrong.
Here's a perfect example:
One night, nachos and cheese sauce appeared (the kind that remind you of movie theater snacks). Without saying anything, movies were queued up, ready to go. The assumption was made: nachos equals movie night.
But here's what happened. After the nachos, almond M&Ms came out. Hand extended. M&Ms placed in hand. Hand extended again. M&Ms placed in hand again. Third time, hand extended.
But this time, the expectation wasn't more M&Ms. It was for the bowl to be passed over. But because nothing was said, the assumption was made, and another M&M was placed in the hand.
Miscommunication.
Another example: Working in the yard. Hand extended. The other person took the hand, thinking it was a gesture of affection. But the actual request was, "Give me the scissors."
The lesson? When you don't articulate with words, you read situations. And you can read wrong.
Communication is an imperfect art. You're always working on it. You never perfect it.
So you have to have a certain amount of grace when a person:
- Reads wrong
- Hears wrong
- Misconstrues
- Misunderstands
- Says it wrong
The key to communication in your relationship:
- How are you doing?
- How are we doing?
- How can I help you?
- How can I join you this week?
Have meaningful conversations regularly.
Listen to hear, not just to respond.
A lot of times, we hear one thing that triggers us, and we totally miss the rest of the conversation. We don't hear anything else because one thing set us off.
The solution? Repeat back what you heard before you respond.
"So what I'm hearing you say is..."
This gives your partner the opportunity to clarify if you misunderstood. It prevents unnecessary conflict and shows that you're genuinely trying to understand.
Key #2: Prioritizing Quality Time
If everything's important, nothing's important.
Life will take over if you don't prioritize what matters. If you're not careful, you'll:
- Raise your kids
- Serve them with everything you have
- Watch them leave and live their own lives
- Look at each other and realize you don't even know each other anymore
You spent all your time investing in people who eventually left, and you never spent time learning each other, growing with each other.
You have to set aside and prioritize:
- Date nights
- Time together
- Meaningful conversations
You can't "make" time, but you can prioritize it.
Practical tip: Use a Google Calendar and color-coordinate tasks based on type (work, family, personal, couple time).
If you're top-heavy with work or friends or kids' extracurricular activities, balance it out. Make sure you're intentional about where your time is being spent.
Your relationship is the foundation. Everything else is built on top of it.
If you're not spending quality time together, the foundation will crack.
Key #3: Regularly Express Gratitude
Be thankful. Consistently.
The only way to get repetitive positive behavior in your life is to be thankful for what you already have.
When dinner is bought, say, "Thank you." When a meal is made, say, "Thank you." When your spouse does something thoughtful, acknowledge it.
Here's the truth: People don't have to be nice to you. They don't have to give you their time, their energy, their affection. They don't have to make you a meal. They don't have to be intimate with you.
Nothing is owed. Everything is a gift.
So be grateful.
Research shows that people who are thankful in relationships have better relationships. Thankfulness leads to repetitive behavior. When you appreciate what your spouse does, they're more likely to keep doing it.
It's simple. It's powerful. And it works.
Key #4: Resolve Conflicts in a Healthy Way
Conflict is inevitable. How you handle it determines everything.
When conflict arises, you can lose your temper, get emotional, and let logic leave the building. Some people are out of control with anger. They say things they don't mean because they're trying to win.
But here's the reality: It's not about winning.
In a marriage, if one person wins and the other loses, you both lose.
Healthy conflict resolution requires:
The Four P's:
- Pause (Give yourself a second to calm down)
- Ponder (Think about what you're about to say)
- Pray (Ask God for wisdom and self-control)
- Proceed (Speak with intention and kindness)
Pausing gives you a second to figure out what's the right thing to say in the moment. Or it helps you realize you can't say anything productive right now and you need time to process.
The healthy conflict process:
- Listen (Really listen, not just waiting for your turn to talk)
- Repeat back what you heard ("So what I'm hearing is...")
- Express yourself (Share your perspective calmly)
- Find a healthy way to move forward together (Solution-focused, not blame-focused)
One person in most relationships is laid back. The other is quick-tempered. If you're the hot-tempered one, you have extra responsibility to practice the four P's.
Key #5: Cherish the Little Things
A hug. A kiss. Holding hands. Squeezing the booty.
The little things matter more than you think.
Sometimes, you'll look at each other in the house and just start hugging. "Give me some energy right now." It's small, but it's powerful.
Examples of cherishing the little things:
- Walking the dog together in the morning
- Holding hands while watching TV
- A squeeze on the shoulder as you pass by
- A text in the middle of the day: "Thinking about you"
- Making coffee for your spouse in the morning
- Leaving a note on the bathroom mirror
These moments don't cost anything. They don't take much time. But they communicate: You matter to me. I see you. I appreciate you.
Over time, these small gestures build a reservoir of goodwill that carries you through the hard seasons.
Key #6: Be a Cheerleader for Your Spouse's Goals and Dreams
No one should cheer for your spouse harder outside the house than you do inside the house.
If there are bigger cheerleaders outside your home than inside, there's a problem.
You should be on their team. Ride or die. Supporting their dreams, even when they seem impossible.
This goes back to agreement.
When you come to a conclusion on a decision as a couple, you become the biggest supporter of it. You've agreed, so you rock with it whether it's good or bad.
Some decisions you make will lose money. Some will cost friendships. Some will be criticized by others. But if you agreed together, you support each other through it.
And some decisions will pay off big. You'll make money, gain opportunities, and celebrate wins.
Either way, you ride together. You win together. You lose together.
That's what partnership looks like.
Key #7: Respect Each Other's Individuality
Sometimes in a relationship, you try to change your spouse to make them more like you.
But here's the irony: The reason you got with them is because they weren't like you.
You were attracted to their differences. Their strengths complemented your weaknesses. Their perspective challenged yours.
Genesis tells us that woman was taken out of man. A part of man was taken to make woman. So when you come together, you're whole.
What does this mean practically?
You need her. She needs you. She's your helpmate, which is another word for "level up." She levels you up.
She's not supposed to agree with everything. That's not her job. Her job is to bring what you don't have. To see what you don't see. To balance what's out of balance.
Together, you're better than apart. Especially if you're supposed to be together.
Stop trying to make your spouse a clone of you. Celebrate their individuality. Appreciate their unique perspective. Honor their gifts.
That's what makes your partnership powerful.
Key #8: Learn How to Forgive (So You Can Live Again)
Forgiveness is essential in every marriage.
But let's be clear: We're not talking about forgiving repetitive and detrimental actions where there's no change.
If someone keeps cheating over and over, and you're just supposed to forgive every single time for the rest of your life with no repentance or change, that's not what we're talking about.
Biblical forgiveness requires:
- Contrition (Genuine sorrow for the hurt caused)
- Repentance (A decision to change and not repeat the behavior)
- Changed behavior (Actions that prove the repentance is real)
When these are present, forgiveness is possible and necessary.
Jesus tells us that if we don't forgive others, He can't forgive us. Romans 3:23 says, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."
None of us are perfect. The challenge isn't about being perfect. It's about not consistently messing up. It's about growth. It's about getting better.
Forgiveness allows you to move forward. Without it, you stay stuck in the past. Bitterness takes root. Resentment grows. And the relationship dies slowly.
Forgive again so you can live again.
That's the principle. When genuine repentance is present, forgiveness opens the door to healing and restoration.
Building Habits for Long-Term Success
Marriage and relationships are a habit you have to build.
You have to consistently do things that lead to success. If you build the habit over time, you get into a regimen. And if you get into a regimen, it becomes second nature.
Examples of habits that strengthen marriage:
- Daily expressions of gratitude
- Weekly date nights
- Monthly check-ins about goals and dreams
- Regular physical affection (hugs, kisses, hand-holding)
- Praying together
- Laughing together
- Serving each other
Here's the truth about habits: Work is your best friend if you make it so. When you love the process of working on your marriage, you get progress.
And that's what it's all about. Progress. Moving forward. Growing together.
Final Thoughts: Love the Work
Every day, there's work to be done.
Work on communication. Work on prioritizing time. Work on expressing gratitude. Work on resolving conflict well. Work on cherishing the little things. Work on being a cheerleader. Work on respecting individuality. Work on forgiveness.
But here's the secret: When you love the work, it doesn't feel like work.
Cuddling becomes something you crave. Quality time becomes a highlight of your week. Working through conflict becomes an opportunity to grow closer.
You have to love the process of working on your marriage. Because that's what it is: a lifelong process of growth, adjustment, and intentional investment.
The payoff? A marriage that not only survives but thrives. A relationship that grows stronger with every passing year. A partnership that reflects God's design and brings joy to both people.
These eight keys work. But only if you put them into practice.
Don't just read this and nod your head. Choose one key this week and focus on it. Then next week, add another. Build the habits. Do the work. Watch your marriage transform.
Remember: Love, laugh, and learn together. Your marriage is worth the investment.
