Thinking About Getting a Divorce?
Is Your Spouse A Part of Your Future Thoughts?
When thinking about your future, is your spouse in it? This is a pretty basic question when you're married and thinking about your future life. However, some people don't think about their future vision and goals and whether that person fits in that picture with them.
You Just Got Promoted At Work. Who Do You Call First?
Is it your spouse? Your mom? Your sibling? Oftentimes, the first call you make is an indicator of who's important to you. If you get arrested, who will you call first?
How Often Do You Argue With Your Spouse?
Do you argue all the time? Can you never be on the same page? Are you always in a combative state? If you can't move forward with the person, then this goes back to the first question: can you not see them in your future? If you're constantly living in the past with them, how can you move forward with them? If you're constantly arguing about the same things, then consider whether that issue is actually a dealbreaker in the relationship or whether it's something that you can learn to manage better than how you're managing it now. Remember: most people don't change and 70% of the issues you encounter won't change. So the question becomes: are you willing to endure or work around them throughout your relationship?
Have They Cheated?
For most people, this is a dealbreaker. Many relationships have dealt with infidelity. Depending on the situation and whether both parties want to continue forward together, a relationship can work through this type of situation. Also, think about what counts as cheating to you. Is it flirting, liking their social media posts, or actually engaging in intercourse? Really think about your boundaries when it comes to your partner interacting with other people.
Do You Feel Like You Have A Fulfilling Marriage?
Marriage was not built to fulfill you. It is to reflect the kingdom, perpetuate children, and show the world as a reflection of God. Marriage is also meant to assist with your purpose in God, not create it. You have a purpose before you get married, but whoever God put you with will help you fulfill your purpose. Marriage is about choosing to walk together.
What Do Your Family And Friends Say About Your Marriage?
Do they disapprove of your spouse? Do they not want to be around you or invite you to things because you and your spouse are miserable together and argue all the time? Oftentimes, family and friends try to help us by communicating what they see, but we get angry at them for telling the truth. If you have an open dialogue about your relationship issues with them, then they'll only know your spouse for their deficiencies and flaws. So, it's on you to receive their opinions because you communicated things you shouldn't have and painted that picture for them.
How Do You Feel When Your Spouse Touches You?
Do you feel grossed out and want to move away when they try to touch you, or do you come closer? How you feel during physical interaction says a lot about your relationship and how you feel about your spouse.
Are You Two Ever Willing To Compromise On Anything?
This shows how much you love and care for your spouse if you're willing to compromise on things, even if it means totally foregoing something you want just to make them happy. Allow your spouse to get some wins in the relationship and support them through it instead of just saying "well, this was your idea." There has to be a balance.
Does Your Marriage Create A Positive Environment To Raise A Child?
If you don't feel comfortable raising a child in the environment that you created with your marriage – or if you can't even imagine having children with your spouse – then this says a lot about your relationship. This doesn't apply as much if you both don't plan on having kids, but it can still be a telltale sign.
Do Your Children Ever Ask You To Divorce?
If your kids are telling you to divorce or questioning why you're both together, then you know your marriage has gone downhill. This situation is not as likely to happen as the previous points, but it's still important to consider how your children feel about your marriage.
Common Questions
What questions should you ask before getting a divorce?
Honest ones: Is your spouse in your future vision? Who do you call first with big news? How often do you argue? Has there been infidelity? Do you ever compromise? How do you feel when they touch you? What do family and your kids sense? These reveal where your heart and marriage actually are.
How do you know if a marriage problem is a dealbreaker?
Ask whether the recurring issue is truly a dealbreaker or something you could learn to manage better. Remember most people don't change, and around 70% of issues won't, so the real question becomes whether you're willing to work around them. Constantly fighting the same fight keeps you stuck in the past.
Is marriage supposed to fulfill you?
No. Marriage wasn't built to fulfill you; it's meant to reflect God's kingdom, raise children, and show the world a picture of Him. It assists your purpose rather than creating it. You have a purpose before marriage, and the person God gives you helps you fulfill it as you choose to walk together.
Should you listen to family and friends about your marriage?
Often they're trying to help by naming what they see, and we get angry at them for telling the truth. But remember, if you only ever vented your spouse's flaws to them, they know only the deficiencies you painted. Receive their input with that in mind, since you shaped the picture they see.
