Marriage isn't built just on love, it's built on commitment, communication, and the timeless dedication to being there for one another. Yet so many marriages fail, not from one dramatic event, but from small, unaddressed issues that accumulate over time. The little lies never discussed. The compliments that stopped. The dates that ended. Slowly, the marriage breaks down.
Today, we're breaking down the six critical mistakes couples make that lead to divorce and separation. If you recognize these patterns in your marriage, it's not too late to course-correct and rebuild what matters most.
1. Infidelity: The Ultimate Trust Breaker
Infidelity is one of the biggest deal breakers in marriage because it shatters trust and breaks covenant. When one spouse shares their body with someone else, it opens wounds that are incredibly difficult to heal. The betrayed partner is left questioning everything: Do you love me? What didn't I do? What's wrong with me?
The hard truth is that some people don't view sex as an emotional connection, it's purely physical for them, which makes infidelity easier to justify. Society has even conditioned many to expect men to cheat, telling women to "just get over it," while holding women to an entirely different standard.
The Biblical Perspective:
According to 1 Corinthians 7:4, "The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife." Marriage is about mutual service and selflessness. When both spouses work together to meet each other's needs, infidelity loses its foothold.
Communication is essential. If sexual needs aren't being met, talk about it. Work together. Don't let unmet expectations drive you outside your covenant.
2. Financial Stress: When Money Becomes the Enemy
Financial problems are one of the leading causes of marital conflict. When bills aren't paid and provision isn't met, stress floods the relationship. The number one need of a woman is security, and she can't feel secure when finances are unstable.
Some couples manage separate finances successfully, but for many, it creates imbalance. One person thrives while the other struggles, yet they avoid the accountability that comes with combining finances. Often, one spouse is a spender while the other is a saver, leading to constant tension.
How to Navigate Financial Unity:
Remember Ecclesiastes 4:9–12: "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor." When both spouses work together on finances, you're stronger. Look at all the bills together. Identify what can be cut. Discuss how to increase income. Whether through side hustles, career advancement, or better budgeting, tackle it as a team.
Men, the way you cover your wife financially is indicative of how you love her. The Bible says love covers all (1 Peter 4:8). Make sure she doesn't carry all the weight, you're built to bear more. Women shouldn't have to choose between provision and partnership.
3. Taking Each Other for Granted
When you stop honoring and respecting your spouse, they begin to feel devalued. This mistake is subtle but devastating. One person works hard, provides well, and stays faithful, yet their spouse constantly disrespects them, talks down to them, or dismisses their contributions.
We've counseled couples where one spouse would say things like, "My dad said I don't need a man." When asked if her father was a good role model, she admitted he wasn't. Yet she was taking broken advice from her past and pouring it into her current relationship, sabotaging something good.
The Power of Honor:
Ephesians 5:33 says, "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Respect and honor aren't optional, they're foundational. If your spouse is working, providing, and showing up, appreciate them. Don't let unresolved pain from your past destroy what God is building in your present.
4. Poor Communication and Avoiding Conflict
Communication breakdown affects everything, finances, intimacy, parenting, and emotional connection. When couples avoid difficult conversations, problems fester. You miss opportunities to save money, spend quality time together, or address the real issues causing disconnect.
Sometimes avoiding conflict means avoiding triggers from your past. Instead of dealing with the root issue, you run around it, hoping it disappears. But you'll never change what you don't confront. What you don't confront, you condone.
Learning to Communicate Better:
Men are naturally prone to isolation, while women thrive in communication. This difference requires intentional effort. If you struggle to articulate your feelings, practice. Learn to express yourself without shutting down or threatening divorce when things get hard.
Proverbs 15:1 reminds us, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Approach each other with kindness, even when frustrated. Your spouse isn't your enemy, you're on the same team fighting the real issues together.
5. Lack of Vision and Growth
This mistake often surfaces when children leave the home. Couples realize they've made their kids the entire focus of their marriage. Once the kids go to college, they have nothing in common anymore. They wake up one day as strangers.
Marriage requires ongoing vision alignment. Where do you see yourselves in five years? Ten years? Are you growing together or drifting apart? Without regular check-ins, you can end up on completely different wavelengths.
Staying Connected Through Every Season:
Amos 3:3 asks, "Can two walk together unless they are agreed?" Set aside time to talk about your vision. Ask each other: Where do you see us going? What are your dreams? Do you feel like you're growing? Are we on the same path?
Marriage has different stages, newlywed life, career-building years, parenting seasons, empty nest, retirement. Each stage requires intentional communication and adjustment. What worked in year five won't work in year twenty-five. Keep evolving together.
6. Losing Intentionality: The Slow Drift
The final mistake is perhaps the most insidious: slowly stopping the things that made your marriage strong. You stop complimenting each other. Date nights disappear. Thoughtful gestures fade. Intimacy becomes routine or non-existent.
This drift doesn't happen overnight. It's gradual, which makes it easy to miss until significant damage has occurred. You get comfortable. You assume your spouse knows you love them. But love requires action, not just assumption.
Rekindling the Fire:
Revelation 2:4–5 warns the church of Ephesus: "Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first." The same applies to marriage.
Remember what you did when you were dating. Bring back the intentionality. Schedule date nights. Leave love notes. Express appreciation. Physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, whatever your spouse's love language is, speak it consistently.
Final Thoughts: Marriage Is Worth Fighting For
Marriage isn't easy, but it's worth it. These six mistakes, infidelity, financial stress, taking each other for granted, poor communication, lack of vision, and losing intentionality, don't have to be the end of your story.
Every marriage faces challenges, but with commitment, honest communication, and God's guidance, you can overcome them. Don't let the little things pile up until they become insurmountable. Address issues as they arise. Keep pursuing each other. Stay on the same team.
Your marriage is a covenant, not just a contract. Fight for it. Pray over it. Invest in it.
Remember: Love, laugh, and learn together. Your best days are still ahead.
